Guess I Got My Swagga Back

Its always nice to get compliments, reckless eyeballs, and smirks from cuties on the street. For the most part, they love me in the Bronx and I have come to expect to get a little extra attention. On the island of Manhattan, however; dat na go so ( patois for that shit does not go down). I can't say why that is. So imagine my surprise when things changed today. I'm walking down 145th street (on the count of the 19 bus taking forever and me figuring since I was on my way to Zumba, I'd use this walk as a warm up) and I'm wearing leggings, a hoodie, sneakers, and a make-shift ponytail (not the flyest but fuck it its Saturday morning and this is a workout after all). Next thing I know, cutie with the peanut shaped head is giving me the once over twice, smiles, and says hello. I smile back and "put a little twist in my hips cuz he's watching". NOTE: IF YOU KNOW WHERE THAT QUOTE COMES FROM, YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME! As I cross over Lenox, another cutie gave me a smile and a wave. Now I'm thinking that I might just be as dope as I think I am and officially, they love me in Manhattan!

TRUTH

At some point I lost the longing to create content. I have been on tumblr reblogging it up but have written very little. This is bogus! I also started writing for an online magazine and have fucked around and figured out a way to pimp out my good ideas.All of this explains why I stopped writing on this blog for a little over a month. I'm getting it together. PROMISE!

Who's Gonna Save My Soul Now?

  When I first heard this song I remember just thinking about how amazing Cee-lo's voice was. I loved it because it gave me permission to feel like shit and be completely unapologetic about it. I had been in love and now I was damaged. After that failed relationship, I got my self into another with the same guy because I LOVE THE PAIN! Truly I did it because I wanted to believe things could be different and fuck it, I'm awesome and who wouldn't want the opportunity to be awesome to me? Things were super fucking dope for a while. Im talking about the kind of dope that you don't even bother trying to explain to people because they'd swear you were making it up. Then things ended abruptly. I was left with this song stuck in my head.   

   "Yet I never stopped to wonder, is it possible you were hurting worse than me?" is a part of  the song that I had decided to move swiftly past because let me tell it, he had no feelings. Now, a year later, I have to acknowledge that he was.

Gotta do Better

I have to do better. I've been working a new project and getting my workout out on. I also have commited to running my first 5k and as you know I am not a runner but I've been training with the couch to 5k program so I am getting a lot better and am actually starting to enjoy it. I never thought that shit would happen but it is. Anyway, I'll be back to blogging with some regularity by the end of the week.

Because there's a song for every occasion

Its always nice to let someone know how dope you think they are.

Are they extinct like the dinosaurs?

    






 So after a few conversations with my girl the good Doctor, I started to wonder what the fuck is wrong with women? We are certainly at a stage in life where I'll say 98% of the women that I know are about their business/careers and in all attempts to make it to the next step in such but would give it all up (and throw in their left tit for good messure) to say that they were MRS.Poorunsuspectingsucker. Nevermind all the years of schooling and nights burning the midnight oil to get the job done, having a man  is way more important to them.
     Unfortunately some women wear their martial status like a badge of honor. Being married pushes a woman up in the ranks, thereby reigning supreme over her chronically single friends which wish nothing more in the world than to be just like her. As a married woman she has completed her life's goals. She can die knowing that her destiny has been fulfilled. Sound stupid? Of course it does!
     In real life you have to be a complete person and totally satisfied with yourself before picking someone else up. If you are looking for anything outside yourself to make you whole, you are in a world of trouble! If you told anyone that they could have a thing in its entirety or a fraction of that same thing for the same price, they'd take the thing in its entirety any day of the week! If someone else completes you then what happens when they aren't there?
   When I was a little girl I remember loving to watch the older girls and grown women and the way they moved. They all seemed to be so confident in who they were and damn you if you dared to question their flyness! What ever happened to the BETTY BADASS women of my childhood? This was the 90's and women were on their  independent shit! They professed to not NEED anyone but themselves. Where there are certainly some flaws to the way they did things, there is something to believing that you were dope (and dare I say, SEXY) all by yourself.

Inspiration Transcends Language

I went to bed with this song in my head and woke up with it so that means it must be shared! LA VIDA ES UN CARNIVAL ( Life is a Carnival) is one of my favorite Celia Cruz songs (ok so to be honest every song that she has ever made is my FAVORITE but follow me for the point...thanks) for lots of reasons. We will start with the fact that you will find it difficult to not move (unless you are totally rhythm- less in which case I feel sorry for you because you don't know what you're missing). Another reason is because the message is such a pure one. Although it doesn't sound as good in English, (honestly is has the slightest bit of cheesy-ness when translated) the idea that life has the ability to be an amazing experience if you let it, is always good to hear. Its very easy to get caught up in your "RIGHT NOW SITUATION". If you think about it, sitting down and being bleak requires minimal exertion on our part. Getting out of the funk and moving forward to enjoy life, is the hard part. Once you do, you'll realize that there are a million things, small and large, to smile about.

Things are changing!

      So after a night of talking on the phone until about 2 in the morning with a boy (because after all, on the inside we are 16), I woke up to find my first gray hair (which should have been difficult because I have a massive head of hair but oh no, there it was just waving at me)! Interesting enough I wasn't mortified. I was more intrigued then anything. Aging is happpening.A few weeks ago I was playing track and field on the Xbox Kinect with my godson and he wore my ass out. During that session I also happened to throw my arm out but decided that it was because I was over zealous (it had nothing to do with the fact that I'm over 25). What are you gonna do? You can't stay young forever. It is important, however; to enjoy life as much as humanly possible regardless of age. My grandma always says, "Its sitting around and doing nothing that makes you old!"

Taking a minute to give some shine

I'm going to go on the record as having said, "There are some amazing men in the world!" I know this for certain because I'm best friends with a lot of them. They are smart, funny, thoughtful, well mannered, and real MEN. They are absolutely the reason why you will never hear me bash. It just won't happen. Now don't mistake it. If I run up on an "aint shit ass dude", I will, without question place him in his proper category but is every man responsible for him? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Because I make it my business to make this distinction, the universe is often incredibly kind to me and keeps a rotation of good men in my space to receive from them whatever the universe deems fit. Lucky me! As I've aged, I've loved, loss, and learned to appreciate and adhere the example that these men set. At this point, I know what a man looks like and how he moves. Makes you wonder, if you know what right is, why the hell would you ever choose (or in most cases, settle for) wrong?

Because there's a song for every occasion

It works perfectly!

Crush On You part deux

So it seems that I have reached something of a stalemate on this crush jazz. My friends are officially over it and with no audience I ask you, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT? There are absolutely no new developments to keep my adoring fans interested. When someone asks, "What's up with your boy?" I got nothing for them and that womps! For those of you who are chess players, fuck with me for a second. Understanding that you are always 3 moves away from a win, I have assested the board thoroughly. I have no legal moves. The only thing left to do is sit and reset the board. I'm not a fan of the draw. I prefer WINNING.

Doing the Most!

     



         I have been "natural" all my life and it has without question gone through some stages. When I was about 9, my mother let me loose on my own hair. I never combed it and would brush it into a ponytail on the top of my head which a teacher called "the water spout". Not until I met Shontell and Rachelle did I learn about the brilliance of gel, moose, and hair spray. With these three things, you could get your hair to withstand anything! I was hooked! By the time I was in 7 grade I was a champ. Frizz was my defeated foe (even though we lived in hot ass central Florida) because I had switched from RAVE to PUMP It UP. You couldn't tell me nothing! My hair was hard as a rock and my ponytail had that "cheerleader swing". One day in the car on my way to the rec center, my father reached out, touched my hair, and snatched it back so fast you would have thought it was a snake. He told me that my hair felt like cement and that no man was ever going to want to touch if it was like that.( It should be noted here that while I was completely boy crazy and my father's warning should have mattered, this was the 90's or as I like to call it, the I DON'T NEED A MAN ERA. I was 12 and impressionable so I bought into the hype and would let crazy things come out of my mouth.) I explained to my father it didn't matter to me if a man liked it or not because it was my hair and that the only person who has to like it is me (neck roll, snap,snap, snap)!
     Fast forward a few years to high school. I had discover Pink Oil Moisturizer (like ever other black woman on the planet at the time)  and protein gel. I still used L.A. Looks from time to time but mother said that the alcohol would break off my hair. I was now at school/friends with more black girls which truly tranlsated into "Bring on the grease!" Every oily product there was, I was using and with little to no regard for what it was doing to my hair. Oh but when it was time to take the cheese bus home I would dread the greasy spot that my hair would leave on the seat. Teenage boys were not huge fans of the grease either so from that point on, I was on a quest for balance. 
       Presently it is always my mission to make my hair as soft as possible because there is a gang of it. I mean Andre 3000 said, " I just wanna lay in her hair." which suggests to me that it oughta feel like a pillow. I have found something that provides the softness that I'm after but always have a longing to try new things. Today I tried the DIY thing with shea butter, coconut oil, and aloe vera gel. My hair has never felt softer but baby, you could fry chicken in it. Seeing as how this isn't the 80's I wonder how you explain the grease spot you put on a man's shirt when you lay your head in his chest?

Upward and Onward

    After a conversation with a friend it occurred to me that most of the people that I know have relocated, quit jobs/ gotten shit-canned (from places that were stunting or sucking the life out of them anyway), or gone back to school in efforts to reach their personal legend (an ALCHEMIST reference. Read the book and increase the quality of your life). These kind of life changes generally mean that you have to start over. "STARTING OVER" is French for "being broke and nowhere near as stable as you'd like" This can be frustrating and liberating as hell all at the same time.
   Thanks to the quarter life crisis we all had a couple years ago ( where we woke up one day and asked the universe WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!), we are all pretty clear on what we really want to be when grow up/turn 30. This is great right?  Now we are on the road to doing the shit and that's where  things get a little tricky. We aren't 18 anymore and have had life kick our ass a time or two. This is to say, we aren't so sprightly, optimistic, or energetic. We have learned to freak out, obsess about money, and be what the world refers to a realistic.  This is bullshit! Nobody ever got to be extraordinary, game changing,or iconic by being realistic. If being broke and unstable for the short term means being happy beyond measure in the long haul, suck it up and stick it out. Hustle hard until you get to where you are going. Although it is scary it is high time to start living the life that you were created to live.

Because a little nostalgia never hurt nobody

There is an 80's song that works for ever occasion

Crush On You

         So I'm sitting here wondering if you ever get too old for crushes. I mean when you're young its almost adorable to like someone who has absolutely no idea and write your name and their name with hearts and shit, think about what things would be like if you were to actually date, imagine spending long hours talking to them on the phone about nothing, and telling your friends which songs make you think of said person. These are all of  the things that I did with my girlfriends from 6th grade until about junior year of college. As an adult I have to say that I haven't had any real CRUSHES. I see, I like, I boo up. That is it. Sounds super arrogant, especially from a woman, but it true just the same...that is at least until now!
       Where, I'm not rolling around on C's livingroom floor (on the count of we got outta school early and her parents aren't home) going on and on about how HE (whomever he is this week) smells of COOL WATER, POLO SPORT,or NAUTICA cologne (Yes. I am fully aware that I am dating myself), I have been running around telling everyone who will listen, of my crush on the man with 4 first names, who's well read, and smells so good (What can I say, somethings never change). In between my ramblings to which ever poor sucker got caught up in my crazy, I find myself wondering, "Am I too old for crushes?"

Good Morning! Its gonna be a DOPE day

These are the first two songs I heard this morning so you know its going to be a good day!

because its cool

A friend of mine introduced me to tabi Bonney a few months back and I have to say, I really dig tabi

Seriously Running in the Summer?

So I promise that where I will give an update to my www.c25k.com journey, I will not talk about it everyday. That being said, today was particularly excruciating! Everything hurts from yesterday but I AINT NO PUNK so I will see this thing through until the end of the 9 weeks.

JUMPING RIGHT ON IN

After a night of partying until the sun came up (ok I was really at the bowling alley until after the 1, the trains were out so we took a shuttle to a friends house for something of a slumber party, and I ended up talking until the sun came up and then promptly went to sleep) I came back to the Heights, slept some more, then got up to start my first day of Couch 2 5K www.c25k.com . It was tough but P and I got through it. I will definitely keep you posted on our progress.

Note: I do not run EVER! Note for any reason EVER